Oct. 9, 2021

Learning Your Habits

Learning Your Habits

Learning our habits are an important part of awareness in any relationship. In this episode, we talk about how we've had difficulties changing our habits. 

Transcript
Speaker 1:

[inaudible]

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the 10 24, where we talk about love finance and anything in between, or your hosts , Brian and Dr. Sam today, we're going to be talking about building good habits and avoiding bad ones. I would like, I remember we did the, every dollar app and I was tracking how much I was actually spending on restaurants and eating out solely. And I was at up near like 500 something dollars every single month. And I'm like, okay. So let me go ahead and try to try to reduce this. Let me get this a little bit lower. And the next month it was $500 again. I was like, how did this happen? Right. So this was a whole habit that I've cultivated that I didn't even realize because I'm just living life. I was like , Hey , I'm hungry. I'm going to get something to eat. No , no worries. But then you realize that you're spending a lot more money than you're supposed to be spending, you know, your focus isn't primarily on, let me save money. So I'm just living life and I'm having a good time. This is leisure time for me. This is time to relax. I want to spend time with my girlfriend and, you know , just live it up and feed her. Yeah, exactly. So it's, it's one of those things that , um, you know, it, it takes discipline, right? These, these habits that we are able to , uh, able to create , um, it's , it didn't just happen just because it happened. We had to , we had to make it an intentional thing to change.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. And I think for me, what worked really well was having an alternative. So like, okay, I can't go out and eat at restaurants or I'm not going out. Not that I can't , I'm not going out to eat at restaurants. Um, what's an alternative for me. So like I would go on Pinterest and look up recipes of like food that I wanted to try, because the reason why I was going to these restaurants is cause I like to eat. So I was like, all right, well, I'll look up recipes and figure out different things that I could cook at home. Um, that would satisfy that need. I had to eat like something different or something, something unique or something tasty or delicious or whatever. Um, so I had to find something where I wasn't like completely cutting out this, like one major nuts. I shouldn't say one major joy in my life, this guy over here, the major joy, but the other major joy in my life, which was food.

Speaker 2:

I think I'd take a second seat so that I think the minor joy and then the food is amazing

Speaker 3:

Major the food, my plants, and you only. Right . Um, so I just needed to find an alternative that worked for me to replace this, this thing that I had , where I wasn't spending as much.

Speaker 2:

And you touched on a good point actually, because, you know, whenever we think about like, okay, let me switch over to good habits. Let me, let me get disciplined. Oh, we all of a sudden think that that's going to restrict our happiness. Like all of a sudden we're not going to be able to do the things that we want to do. And then all of a sudden we're , we're handcuffed to art discipline or good habit. And it's not the case. You know, when, whenever you want to change a habit, you have to find a way to make it enjoyable for yourself. Right? Like for instance, like I remember when I w I started running and I hate running. Like I do not like running at all. Um, and what wound up happening, this is why I didn't like write it right. Every time I would start running, my legs would be on fire. Like they would itch so badly that I would have to stop and lay down . Like it was not like I'm not being a crybaby over there . This was, this was really bad. Um, so , uh, and it was always like that. And I hated running because of that. And then at one point , um , my friend told me about , um, Zyrtec and Zyrtec is an anti-histamine basically it blocks the itchiness. So that's , that's exactly what happened. Like I took it and then all of a sudden, I didn't have the itchiness when I, when I walked for a long distances. And then I started jogging and I still didn't have it. And then I just kind of, I just went overboard and I started like running, like marathon, like half marathons and stuff. And like, I started, I started like running every chance I got, because I'm like, oh my God, my legs are good. Like , know that was , that was me. And , um, I remember in the very beginning of starting to run , um, I wanted to make it enjoyable because I wanted to be consistent with it. So I decided to start listening to music while I'm, when I'm running or listening to audio books while I'm running. And literally when, when I did that, I would go into, to a completely different zone. I wouldn't even think about running anymore. And I think that that's an important concept. I think that is important to when you have , whenever you want to change something for your future, for the, for that phase in life, you have to kind of, you have to make it happy. So like, you have to, you know, think about your happiness also. So when you decided to change things, you, you said you went on Pinterest and you started looking up recipes and things that you enjoyed , uh, enjoyed eating.

Speaker 3:

And obviously the running analogy you used is not going to be relatable to 99% of the population, because we don't like running your , I think you may be the only one in the weirdos that run with you in marathons. But, but , um, I think just thinking about like even exercising in the morning, I , um, I purposely exercise in the morning knowing that, like, I couldn't do it any other time during the day, or I would find an excuse not to do it at any time during the day. So like, I , I work out in the mornings knowing this is the first thing that I do. There's nothing interfering except for like, oh, I'm tired, but like, nothing else is interfering with my day to prevent me from working out in the morning. And for me, it was like this, the idea was a long-term goal of just staying healthy. And I had to just figure out , um, what, how could this work within my schedule? Or how could this work within my life? So I'll be able to do this thing because I, I, like I said, I wanted to stay healthy, but at the same time, like I knew if given the opportunity, I would find it an excuse throughout the day, it would be like, oh, I'm too tired from work. Or I just had a big lunch or whatever where I wouldn't , um, I wouldn't want to work any workout any other time of the day, but being able to like force myself to work out in the morning, I can't give myself any other excuse , um, that can interfere with this like habit that I've created in my life. But I think a combination of just like finding an alternative that makes you happy and then trying to fit it in your life and not having like, changing your life for that habit also makes it a lot easier to change habits.

Speaker 2:

I still feel like you're like , like I know you wake up in the morning and you, you do your workouts. Does it still feel like you're forcing it? Or does it feel like, oh , this is just what I'm supposed to be doing?

Speaker 3:

Yeah. I, I, my workouts at this point is like brushing my teeth. Like I wake up in the morning, you know, you, some people may eat breakfast, brush your teeth, take a shower. My workout is part of my morning routine. So I actually feel weird when I don't do it. I'm like, oh, I missed the part in my morning routine.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, exactly. And that's how, you know, you you've created a habit really. Cause I remember feeling the same way. Like when I w when I first started running, it felt like a chore. It felt like, oh my God, like this sucks, but I want to do this because I just have a goal and I just kept, I kept at it. And then what was interesting is when I would take days off, I internally would feel like an itch to run. And I'm like, what is this? Like, you know? Yeah. And , uh, yeah, it was , it was under my control. So , um, when, when, when you take, so do you take days off or like on the weekend , sometimes you, you, you don't work off on the workout on the weekend. How do you feel that need to work out still? Or what's that like?

Speaker 3:

Because my morning routine during the weekends is to lay my in bed. So like , that is my routine where it's like the routine for me during the day or during the weekday is you need to get ready for work. You need to do X, Y, and Z, like for, for the weekend. It's, I don't, I'm not obligated to do anything during that time. So I don't feel, oh, I'm missing out on anything. It's like, I've accomplished what I wanted to during the week, which was working out five times and that's all I need to do.

Speaker 2:

Got it. Okay, cool. Um, so, so what you're saying is like, you, you, so when you first started this, like, let me be healthy. Did you first start off , um, doing your exercise in the beginning of the day? Or did you have it at a different time of the day? And then you realize that the beginning of the day was more effective?

Speaker 3:

Yeah. I would try to work out when I came home from work and I would just be so tired or like, people like let's go to happy hour Sam, and I'm like, oh, okay . And obviously like, if you go to happy hour, you're not coming home to go work out. So always be some sort of excuse that would prevent me from actually working out. And then I started doing, like working out during the mornings and I was like, oh, I think this is working. Like nothing interferes with my day at that time. No one else is awake. Uh, well obviously other people are awake, but they're not bothering me with work. So it just, it seemed to fit perfectly with my timeline. And I didn't have any excuse. I was already up going to work might as well take the extra 30 minutes to work out .

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Yeah. So, so you really made it just fit into your schedule and in a way that that made sense. And then it was easy to commit to. Okay, cool. Yeah, I think that that's something that's important that actually reminds me of the , um , the book I read about the atomic habits. Um, so this, this guy, James clear , uh, he did a study on how habits really work. And , uh , there are a few things that, that he says that are laws about habits. And the first thing is, is a cue . The next one is a craving. The next one is a response and the next one is results. So the cue is okay. Like for your instance, with, with the exercising, your cue is I'm up. I woke up right time to work out. It's Monday through Friday time to work out. That's the cue . The craving is I want to, I want to have a , you know, a healthy body or whatever. And now , um, I don't know, what will the craving be for that? Would it be,

Speaker 3:

Yeah, my craving was just like to stay healthy. Like I wanted, I wanted to not have like any type of health issues. I didn't want high blood pressure. I didn't want heart disease. I just wanted to stay healthy. So for me, working out was like saying healthy. And also, like, I had an idea in my head of how I went in my body to look. So I'm just making sure I work out. So like my, this image in my head of how I want my body to look is also aligning with what I'm actually doing. Okay.

Speaker 2:

And then the, and then, and then your response is obviously to do the workout and then the results, right. You see over time or you see yourself getting healthier and that's really how a habit forms and how you can cement that habit. Um, you know, you had the idea to do that. Was it from, was it from anything externally that, that, that drove that decision? Or was it just because internally you felt like this was something that needed to be done?

Speaker 3:

Um , I actually first started working out. I first started doing, I think it was like yoga or something during the day. And I was doing that as a stress relief. And then I was reading more about how working out can help with anxiety and stress. And because I have, I was like, okay, this is another way to another outlet or another coping mechanism. And I incorporated it into my life for my anxiety and stress and then maintained it for my health. Um, I thought that I was like, oh, if I'm going to work out, might as well make it, you know, part of my overall health and not just my mental health.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's dope. Yeah. I think that I'm trying to think of like other habits that I have. Um, now those are, those are good habits that you've cultivated. Um, what are, what are some bad habits that you've cultivated over time?

Speaker 3:

I have like really

Speaker 2:

Bad habits. I definitely do. I , so a bad habit that I have is when , uh, when I'm emotional. Like, I definitely feel a lot of , uh, emotions when I'm, when I'm upset. Right. So then I get very short. I get short, very brief, and I know that that does not come across very well. Right when you're talking to the other person. So for me, it's , it's, it's very difficult to do something other than what I'm used to doing, especially, especially when your emotions are involved. So , um, I'm, I'm learning about how to change habits, you know, over time, but it's, it's definitely, it's definitely difficult.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. I think, and even for those like non-tangible habits that we have, like you talked about when you're upset, you have a lot of emotions and like those, those things where we can't necessarily like, okay, this is definitely what's happening. Um, I think that same thing goes for what you were saying about like ways to create healthy habits around your happiness or the happiness of others. I'm not necessarily sure that type of stuff makes you unhappy, but just thinking of , um, like the overall happiness of others or yourself , um, and finding ways to already use what you already do now, or use things within yourself , um, to create those, or even your partner to create those healthy habits. But , um , I think it's Harder than,

Speaker 2:

But what's what I find interesting is that it's possible, right? Like it is like, so when you're angry with another person, it's hard to be like, oh , I want I'm thinking about your happiness and that, like, it's very difficult to do that. Um , but , um, when, when we think about, like I said, the , the four , the four pillars of happiness or how a habit is not happiness of how a habit is created , um, there's a cue , right? A cue is just something to trigger a different habit. So , um, we've been working on this a little bit, like where it's like, help me understand, right. When that's pretty much the cue , like cue let's let's change directions. Right. And that is, I mean , we're still in the earlier stages of that, but that that's, that's helped to be like, oh, this is going to be a collaborative conversation, not a me versus you conversation. Right. Um, and then the craving is like, I want to S I want this to be, I want us both to be on the same page. I want us both to be happy with each other. I want to build in the conversation and we both have a desire for that. Right. Um, so what we have to work on at that point is, you know, the response, how we actually do that. Right. And that's the , that's the tricky part. You know, we, we both are , um, you know , uh, we both are intelligent people. So when that happens, we, you know, that we have a slight disagreement or something like that, we both have our opinions, you know? So, so , um, you know, in order for us to see a collaborative effort, you know, we, we have to go down that other route with a better healthier habit in order to , um, in order to get there. So it's really the transition into the healthy habit. And , and like you said, it's an intangible thing. So , um, it's easy to go left if you, if you, if you're not focused on it. Right .

Speaker 3:

And I, it's definitely intention. I think it's one of those things that you have to keep in the forefront of your mind. Like, that's what I meant by like, okay, the goal is happiness, and you have to constantly keep that on the forefront of your mind, even during like these heated debates or disagreements. Um, and I think that's difficult, right? Cause you're, you're not thinking about, you know, the happiness of this relationship or the, the goal is happiness at the end of this year , thinking about that specific topic. Um, so it's hard for you to pivot or to think of something else or to like, oh, okay. I recognize that I've gotten to this, this level, or I am very upset. My emotions are in this, and this is not necessarily leading to this goal of happiness. You definitely have to be very with .

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So in the book, what is it, what it says is like , um, when you replace a habit, right, you have to think about what reward you're getting from the initial habit. Right. So for instance, if I'm a smoker, I I'm , I'm doing an unhealthy act as a bad high habit. However, the reason I smoke is to relieve stress. So how do I find something else that's going to relieve stress, and you have to think like that you have to like reverse engineer it. So I'm , I'm , I'm thinking like, okay, so we have a, a cue which has helped me understand. Right. And then we collaborate and have a good conversation. And then the result is what, right. So what, what, what was I getting from being angry or saying things in a way that, like, what was I getting? What was the reward of that? Um, and I don't really have an answer for that. Like I know that, I know that I would S the reason I would be short would be because , um, I didn't want to get angry, angry. Right. I'd be short . I'm like, press it down, suppress it down. Let me, let me not, let me not get angry. Cause it's no, there's no reason for that. Um, and then when I have the space to chill out, then it'd be fine. So , um , I'm trying to think, like, why is that, what reward, what was , what was I getting from doing that? I don't know . I don't know if it's not really clear to me.

Speaker 3:

I , I don't know where you're wrong . I can tell you what your reward is. But like, I think what is interesting is just , um , like thinking about my bad habits and how that like works alongside yours. Cause for me, like my bad habit, not even related to you is like, I'm one of those people. Um, I, I can be a professional ignore. Like I can definitely , um, shut down and not talk to people. And , um, it, it, for me throughout this relationship, like, it took a lot for me to be vocal. Um, say what I'm feeling, things like that. And I think working alongside your habit of like, okay, when I get angry, this is what happens. And like my natural, natural instinct is to be like, all right, time to shut down time to not have this conversation. I don't want to like indulge in this. I don't want to kind of make him matter angrier. Um, but recognizing like my, my bad habit and how that works alongside yours. Um, and being able to, like, I think now I'm being very intentional of like speaking up, even though I know, like this is going against my natural inkling, which is to be like, all right , it's time for me to shut down. Um, but being able to be more vocal, even though I haven't necessarily gotten there yet, but , um, be more vocal and not force myself to shut down as I would want to do.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Because, well, and that's because we're working through things, right. So , um, and we're a match made in heaven really. Cause , um, you know, my bad, my bad habit is like, [inaudible] her , her buyers are shut down. Right. So there's just a thing. But uh, ultimately it feels like when you don't shut down and you're like, Hey, you're not being very nice. Right. At first I get defensive and I'm like, you mean, I'm not being nice. I'm being nice. I'm a nice guy really mean. But , uh, but then after like I calmed down and I think about it, I'm like, wait, no, this is, this is exactly where I needed to , to pivot. And I, and that's helpful knowing like, okay, at this point is when you felt this way, this is where it's , this is where you should have inserted, helped me understand, you know, let's have a , let's have a regular conversation. Let's, let's collaborate and let's, let's do things differently, right? Because the second you make your partner feel slighted, or the second you make your partner feel like, Hey, you don't care about me. That's when you lose the argument anyway. Right. You, it's not something to win or lose, but if you're, if you're doing that, you know, the only thing that you're doing is, is you're , um, you're separating your bond further and that's, that's not what you want to do. Right. This , we, like I said, we're both intelligent people. We both have a voice. We both have opinions and we both can , uh , collaborate in a way that is useful for both of us and effective for both of us.

Speaker 3:

Like , I, I still struggle with making sure, like, everything I say is what I call like rooted in love. So I'm making sure I'm not necessarily saying things that can be misconstrued or can be offensive or whatever, because like my ultimate goal is to like show the people that I have relationships with, that I care about them and I love them. And then like when I have conversations and I deviate from that, then I'm like, crap. Like I need to get back to that. Or , um, I guess that is a cue for me. Like when I sometimes I'll recognize it after the conversation and I'll like, come back and be like, Hey, I messed up in X, Y, and Z. And I thought about it and this is, you know, this was not my intention. Like I'm hoping to do better in the future or whatever, but , um, just keeping in the back of my head, like I'm , I want my interactions with my loved ones to show love and to be rooted in love. And , um, not necessarily to be hurtful in any type of way or to, to make the, make it seem as though I don't care. Or like ,

Speaker 2:

Yeah. And same, same, but mine's not as apparent . Right. Because, because like, as a man or a as myself, I guess, I don't know, I can't speak on all men , but for myself growing up , um, I learned that I had to do things on my own. Right. I learned that I wanted to , um, you know, get my own car, get my own place, you know, be self-sufficient and , um, prove others wrong. Right. Because there's a statistic out there. That's like, oh, like, you know, you're not supposed to be successful one because you're adopted two because you're African-American. And I'm like, well, I don't, I don't obliged to that statistics , so I need to do better. And I need to be excellent in everything that I do. I need to always try my best and I've garnered a mentality of, of , um, it's me and only me, you know? And I think that that's good for business career things. Um, you know, sports, that's a good thing to have. Uh, but when it comes to bonding and relationships, I had to learn a whole new thing. Right. And , um, I've learned that over the years, how are there still some sentiment, you know, that is residual , um, from, from that , um, you know, that, that behavior, so yes, you know, loving your partner always and forever is, is great in concept for me. Right. And in theory for me, right. But then in actual use, my forefront, emotion is always the, you know , um , by any means necessary, make it, you know, and that doesn't jive with relationships that well. So , um, I think that I have to like having a cue is a reminder, Hey, let's change, let's change. Let's change what you're doing right now. And then the more that I do that over and over and over again, then it becomes natural. Right. But for somebody that has , um, you know, empathy on the forefront, or if somebody that is as good at bonding naturally, or somebody that's good with relationships naturally , um, it's not a, it's not a switch. Right. It's just who they are at that point, because they've been able to practice it over and over and over again.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, that's true. And I recognize that it's definitely a process just with any, just like any of their habit. Um, it's not something that can be changed. Um, like within the day it definitely takes consistency and it takes being intentional about it , um, for that habit to actually like be longterm and sustainable. So yeah. I, I talk a lot about like how my past was and I, I never really, this is not how I was maybe 10 years ago. Right. Like 10 years ago, I was definitely a different person. I had a different attitude. I really didn't want to be bothered with people. Um, and didn't really care about making lasting relationships, whether romantically or on a friendship basis. So for me, it, it took a lot for that shift to happen and then to sustain that and to recognize the people that are currently in my life or , um, they're really positive and loving. And , um,

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm actually just happy that , uh, you decided to , uh, be with me. Like I remember when we first started dating and , um , we went to like Walmart or something like that. And , uh, you know, we were talking and everything was cool, but then like when we got out of the car, like, I'm, I I'm a personal touch guy. So like, I , like, I put my arm around her and immediately I feel a clinch up. Like , she's like, don't touch me. I'm like, what is this later ? Like, you're explaining that like, yeah, like I just don't like people touching me. I just never wanted that to happen. And I think that was a residual thing from, from that previous behavior. But luckily, you know , um, you realize that it was something that was something that you wanted to fix. Cause that's not always easy also, you know, a lot of times when people are stuck in their ways, that's just awful . They are stuck in their ways, you know? Um, but you have the foresight to think about, is this something that I want to be doing right now? What was the reason that you decided to just go ahead and let it happen?

Speaker 3:

Hmm . You're a persuasive.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. I was like, don't you do this to me? No ,

Speaker 3:

No. I think like you, I feel like when, when you, when you know that you're wasting your time and then there's like people that, you know, like you're not wasting your time with, so for me, I was like, I can it , and also we had this discussion of the things that I did while I was single right. To like build myself up to make sure I was maintaining healthy relationships, like right. When my last relationship ended, like I remember reaching out to friends and becoming closer to my friends. And before then I had been very like, you know, take it or leave it type person when it came to my relationships. If you're no longer in my life, it is what it is. We just keep it pushing. But after that, I recognized the importance of having these like really strong people in my life. People that have my back people, I can depend on people when like I am crying or whatever. I know that they're going to be there for me. And it forced me to rely on people, which I had never had a desire to do previously. But like I was in North Carolina by myself. Um, I didn't have family there and I needed to rely on someone because I was in bed crying for like three days. And I was like, I could continue staying in bed, crying for three days or I could reach out to someone. And so I reached out to someone and that's where, like I recognized that I had been pushing people away for majority of my life. And at this point, like I needed help.

Speaker 2:

I see. I see. Okay. So that's, that's really interesting. Cause like, when I , when I went through the, like the stage where I was like, I'm doing this on my own , um , you know , um, I was, it was one of those things that, you know, it's you versus the world. Right. And when I got to that point, I'm like, fine. You know, it's all me and I prefer it that way. So I was much like you and in that sense, and I'm still partially in that zone. And when I met you, I was like, all right, we'll see, we'll see, we'll see when, when, when , uh, when things go awry and like, you know, she shows her true colors, right. And then like a month goes by two months, go by three months, go by. And I'm like, this is, this is actually who she is like, you know? And I was like, okay. So like that's when it started being like, okay, I need to let this person in. Right. I need to start forming a real bond, a real connection. And , um, it's, it's difficult for me to do that because my whole upbringing was the opposite of that. Right. Um, and , and my previous relationships, I didn't have the space to work on that. So you're really the first person that I'm able to work on that whip , which I love. Um, and I think that is really because of that day that you , um, decided that I need help and I need, you know, friends that are going to be there for me. And you, you decided to say, okay, it's not just me. That is doing this. I need, I need support. And you decided to take a completely different mindset. Um, and I think that that has been instilled into you. So now when you see this relationship, you're like, this is, this is what I want, like in that sense. And I still need to get them. I'm like Teeter tottering on both ends. Right. And I'm like, yes, I love you. No matter what. And like, you know, I want to go oh , together . But at the same time when I get angry, I'm like, no , I don't need you. Like, what are you doing? Like, it doesn't make sense. Right. So , um, I think that that's cool. I , I, and, and I appreciate you specifically, because I know that you understand, you know, what it's like to feel that way, where it's like, it's just me and independent and I don't need anybody cause you were there. Right .

Speaker 3:

Right. I think for , I think we talk about this sometimes. Like we have very similar , um, upbringings in the fact of like, we had to kind of fend for ourselves and be able to , um, do things on our own. And it made us extremely independent, which is really good. But then it made us , um, too independent. So like for a certain things that you may need to reach out to somebody for, or you may need to allow someone in your life and makes you very avoidant makes you very like, okay, I got this, I can do this on my own. And literally I was going through life. Exactly like that. Like my relationships, if I don't talk to you, I don't talk to you. I keep emotion , like moving. This is not anything that I'm going to, I don't even have the emotion of like, I miss you. It's just like, this is just, it is what it is. Um, and I think when that situation happened and I was like, truly alone, I was like, all right, I definitely need to reach out to someone for one, it was an emotion that I was scared that I could not get out of. And I was like, well, I can stay here and figure out, like, when I hit rock bottom for real, or I can reach out to someone and avoid all of this together.

Speaker 2:

Yeah . So that's actually really interesting what you said, like psychologically , uh, because , um, it's, it's a little bit different for me. So when I decided to be alone, I preferred to be alone. Right. And I was like, yeah, this is how it's supposed to be. Right. It's just me against the world. Right. Because I'm the underdog. Right. And, and I was happy and I was okay with that. Right. But then I know that there's this other section of life where it's like, you're collaborating with somebody, you're building with somebody and , uh, things can grow in that way. And it's , it looks beautiful from, from my side of things. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't know if I'll ever be able to have that. Right. And that's scary to me. But the thing is for you, you didn't switch until it was scarier to be alone. Right. That's when you're like, let me change this. So for myself, I think it's going to be the same thing when it's scarier for me to be by myself, that's probably what I'm going to make the change. So it's pretty interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 3:

So I need to scare you. This is your thing .

Speaker 2:

I don't, I don't know that's exactly what I'm saying, but, but it makes sense. Right. Because it's like, people are very risk and reward based. Right. So I'm not gonna do anything about something that needs to be done unless it becomes a real pain in my life. Right. Um, so what can we say for an example, like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to go exercise until I really see my health sliding. Right. Or I'm not going until it really becomes real to me that this is something that's important. And that's usually how people are they , they, they wait until the, you know, the final like way too long way after the fact. And then they're like, Hey, like yeah, you need to change. Uh , what we're trying to do is get in front of, well , what I'm trying to do is get in front of that. Right?

Speaker 3:

Yeah .

Speaker 2:

Well, I mean, you already there though, like you're yeah .

Speaker 3:

But like working collaboratively with you to get to them.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. That's true. That's true. Yeah. So , um , and yeah, and I think that that's cool. I think that we've been doing , you know , making some progress in that , um, and , uh, we'll get there. So yeah,

Speaker 3:

I agree .

Speaker 2:

All right . So that wraps up our second episode. The next episode, which is episode three trio is going to be about what generational curses are you facing.